Growing up!

As I reflect (since that's the name of my blog) on my life, I realize that my kids moving out and moving on isn't the most difficult part of the process. The difficult part is....that for the last 18-22 years of their life, I have been the most instrumental, influential person in their lives. I am no longer that person. My entire existence for the past 22 years has primarily been to mold and shape and (maybe sometimes) inspire my children to be the people they are. Like I said in a previous post....I have to change my purpose. I am one of those people that need a purpose. So laying here in bed until 10:30 am does not fulfill me. There is only so much you can do on Facebook or on a blog.
It's hard because only a handful of my friends can relate. And it's kind of a silent sadness that we all face, yet we don't talk much about. I think maybe because we've lost our own identity somewhere in the raising of our children, and it's a bit sad a pathetic that when they are gone and grown up, we don't know what to do with ourselves anymore.
I was never going to be one of "those" moms. I was going to celebrate when they were gone. Yet, I am not celebrating. I guess when you feel the only good thing in life you have accomplished is the children you have born, it's a dose of reality, that the good things have moved on.
Oh my life isn't completely over yet. I still have football 4-5 nights a week and dance 4 days a week and piano and jiu-jitsu. It's definitely, not over yet.
Syd is off at college, she's on her own. She rarely calls home (is that a good thing-or bad?). Ty is planning his life when he gets home. Everyone he knows is married, so that will probably happen soon after getting home. Kenzie is working and driving and home so seldom we hardly know she exists. The boys....oh the boys! They make me feel so old, and tired. I'm tired of hearing fighting, I'm tired of nagging to do chores, I'm tired of telling them to do their homework. I'm just tired! Yet I still have some time left. How do I make the most of it, when the enthusiasm has dwindled? I still want to make it exciting for them. I want home to be the place they want to come to. I want them to want to come to us for advice.
I was looking through photos of my kids yesterday, and Kenzie said, "Oh I wish Brady was that age again."  I look at those and wish I could just for one day go back and be with each of those little babies again. I wish I could swoop them up in my arms and tickle them, kiss their tears when they get hurt and snuggle next to them, when they fall asleep. The time has gone so quickly, like everyone says, and I feel as though I failed to enjoy it as I should have. If only we could capture a moment or two that we could go back and replay every now and then. I think that would help to ease the pain, of a time gone by.
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
-Bob Marley

County Fair!

Brady in the hamster ball.

So one of my very first posts was on the County Fair. I talked about the quality of people that attended and worked there. Every year we go, (why, I don't know). It's the same thing every year. I guess the hum of the whole thing is exciting. It smells bad, the amount of drunks is uncountable and the Carnies just give me the creeps. I don't understand it. It's like voluntarily being water boarded. UGH! Why, I ask, do we do this to ourselves. Don't even get me started on the whole expense of it all. My goodness you have to be a CEO of a corporation just to afford to go on the rides and eat the food. It costs more to go to the County Fair than to take your kids to Lagoon for the day. I'm not kidding about that. And believe me, there is no comparison.
So the whole reason I'm writing this is......everyone says they are going to the fair, for fair food. And every year I think, "ok, maybe I am missing something. I will try something different this year." So far the only thing I have liked there has been the Elephant ears and the Corn on the Cob. Maybe I'm just not into fried food. That must be it. Or maybe old food, or perhaps cold food. It's just gross people. I can't stand it. Yet every year I endure it. Well, maybe that will gain me some browny points from my last blog entry. The things we endure for our children.

I Kinda Suck As A Mom (Not looking for sympathy or reasons why I don't)

I just read a friends blog and it made me realize that I really kind of suck as a mom. Not that I intentionally SUCK, but if I am truly honest and reflective, I do.
I don't go out of my way for birthdays anymore.
I don't try to make things fun and exciting.
I don't like to sit and watch movies or play games with them.
I don't do theme parties anymore.
I rarely cook dinner these days.
I nag them to go to their practices and other commitments.
Does anyone want to take over? I'm sure my kids will soon be on a couch in some Psychologists office, telling of how their mom sucked and ruined their lives.
I'm sure I'm burned out. Hell, since my oldest son was born I have celebrated 93 birthday's, UGH!
Maybe I just need a break or a grand-baby. Babies always make things fun and exciting. Teenagers just suck the life out of you and leave you limp and wanting for a kind word or a thank you.
That's it, I'm just burned out! Or at least it sounds good.

My Mothers Day Message from Ty!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY (LATE) TO THE BEST MOM EVER!

I Love You Mom, and I am thankful for everything you have done in my life. I couldn't possibly pick a better Mom in the world. You are truly loved.

TYLER

WOW!

So, my last blog was titled, I Can't Believe It's Already 2011, and it's already been 4 months since I have posted anything. I decided I am going to make more of an effort to be a bit more frequent about my blogs.
Life is changing dramatically in the Porter home. At this time we are transitioning out of the self-employed mode and now Andrew is VP of Andersen Manufacturing. He LOVES his new job. Not sure what he loves more, not having the pressure of making every customer happy, or no pressure of making enough $$ to cover all the expenses. Either way, he loves what he is doing. Right now though, he is still transitioning out and has a stack of computers in my kitchen that are waiting to be serviced. Just for the record, I hate that part.
Sydney is starting to get Senior-itis. She is so excited to be moving on to bigger and better things (college). She will be attending Westminster College in the Fall. It will be a great thing for her. I think she will thrive there.
McKenzie has decided to buckle down and go to an alternative school that will allow her to get through her core classes as fast as she is able, and maybe even graduate early next year. Then her plan is to go down to SLC and live with Syd.
Ty is almost halfway through his mission. Thing are going well for him www.tylerdouglasporter.com You can check up on him on his website. He sends me home a letter each week to post for those friends and family that would like to follow him and see how he is doing.
Brittain is going to be working at Treasure Mountain Scout camp this summer as a volunteer. He is so excited and I am excited for him. He will love it and it will keep him from sitting around playing video games all summer.
 Landon just finished his big dance competition in SLC, it was Nationals. His team placed 2nd and 3rd in the Nation. They did really well.  He has one more performance for the year and then he will get a bit of a break. Next year he wants to add LaCrosse to his portfolio.
Brady is playing on two baseball teams this year. Pitching machine and Little League. He is excited. He will be attending a big football camp in June and is really excited for that.
My life has slowed down tons and it seems that instead of accomplishing lots, I waste so much time. I hate it. I have decided I am the type that has to have a purpose. I need to find a new purpose since the kids are all off and doing their own thing.
Things just keep continuing to change, grow and age. Never staying the same. Such is life.

2011

I can't believe it is already 2011. I remember when I was a kid people would say, "time goes faster the older you get." It seems to be true. So much has happened in the past few years, and sometimes I can barely wrap my head around it. My kids are getting older, stronger, smarter, cuter (I know major grammar errors) and independent-ER. It seems that every moment is a whirlwind.
I try to take times during the day to just veg. Time for me. Down time. But, no matter how much "down-time" I take, it never seems to slow things down.
Tyler writes us every week, and it seems that it is just a blink of an eye before we are getting another letter. He has already been gone 8 months, 1/3 of his time out there is gone. It's good that it is going fast, because we miss him soo much, but it is unbelievable.
I am going to try to list the things that took place this year. I am doing this more for me so that I can keep a journal of 2010.
JAN- New Years Day- Sledding in Utah. Ty and I went to a Utah Jazz game. Brady had a "who am I" presentation at school.
FEB- Ty got his mission call to Lisban, PORTUGAL! Went to Billy Joel/ Elton John concert (face to face).
MARCH- Hawaii for 8 days. Went to Pearl Harbor, Laie Hawaii temple, Dole Pineapple plantation, North Shore, Polynesian Culture Center, Hanauma Bay (snorkeling), Turtle Reef, Waikiki, Da-Kine Bail Bonds (Who can forget the "Dog").
APRIL- Easter, Tyler's Farewell, pinewood derby.
MAY- Kenzie's 16th birthday, Ty goes to the MTC, DARE graduation, dance recital, school dance assembly where Brittain played the evil character from Thriller, Sweet-hearts.
JUNE- Drew's birthday, Baseball, Domi and Freddie came to visit, Aunt Gayle and Uncle Lyle came to visit.
JULY- Landon and Brittain's birthdays, decorated IFCTA float, parade, went to California, Ty left for Portugal, Oregon, Boise for district championships (Andrew's team) camping with the Enos' in Lava, Girls Camp, Adolpho's move to St. George :-(.
AUG- Ty's birthday (in Portugal), camping with Enos',Domi and Freddie go home, Daniel arrives, Syd's wrecks jeep, Syd gets new car, Daniel find home, Mirelle arrives, Jack Johnson concert, school starts.
SEP- Football starts,  camping with Enos' and Anderson's, Landon gets his arrow of light, sweethearts (Kenzie and Syd- Kenzie's first date)
OCT- Syd's Birthday, Heathers wedding (went to Oregon, girls were bridesmaid's), Got my built in bookshelves, got mini-cooper, went to Matt Costa concert, BYU game, Halloween.
NOV- Brady's Birthday, Heliana came to visit for two weeks, Thanksgiving.
DEC- Mirelle's Birthday, festival of trees performance, Terri's Birthday, went to Westminster, lots of shopping, CHRISTMAS!, New Years Eve party with the Enos' and the Christianson's.

There is our year in a nutshell!