I Kinda Suck As A Mom (Not looking for sympathy or reasons why I don't)

I just read a friends blog and it made me realize that I really kind of suck as a mom. Not that I intentionally SUCK, but if I am truly honest and reflective, I do.
I don't go out of my way for birthdays anymore.
I don't try to make things fun and exciting.
I don't like to sit and watch movies or play games with them.
I don't do theme parties anymore.
I rarely cook dinner these days.
I nag them to go to their practices and other commitments.
Does anyone want to take over? I'm sure my kids will soon be on a couch in some Psychologists office, telling of how their mom sucked and ruined their lives.
I'm sure I'm burned out. Hell, since my oldest son was born I have celebrated 93 birthday's, UGH!
Maybe I just need a break or a grand-baby. Babies always make things fun and exciting. Teenagers just suck the life out of you and leave you limp and wanting for a kind word or a thank you.
That's it, I'm just burned out! Or at least it sounds good.

My Mothers Day Message from Ty!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY (LATE) TO THE BEST MOM EVER!

I Love You Mom, and I am thankful for everything you have done in my life. I couldn't possibly pick a better Mom in the world. You are truly loved.

TYLER

WOW!

So, my last blog was titled, I Can't Believe It's Already 2011, and it's already been 4 months since I have posted anything. I decided I am going to make more of an effort to be a bit more frequent about my blogs.
Life is changing dramatically in the Porter home. At this time we are transitioning out of the self-employed mode and now Andrew is VP of Andersen Manufacturing. He LOVES his new job. Not sure what he loves more, not having the pressure of making every customer happy, or no pressure of making enough $$ to cover all the expenses. Either way, he loves what he is doing. Right now though, he is still transitioning out and has a stack of computers in my kitchen that are waiting to be serviced. Just for the record, I hate that part.
Sydney is starting to get Senior-itis. She is so excited to be moving on to bigger and better things (college). She will be attending Westminster College in the Fall. It will be a great thing for her. I think she will thrive there.
McKenzie has decided to buckle down and go to an alternative school that will allow her to get through her core classes as fast as she is able, and maybe even graduate early next year. Then her plan is to go down to SLC and live with Syd.
Ty is almost halfway through his mission. Thing are going well for him www.tylerdouglasporter.com You can check up on him on his website. He sends me home a letter each week to post for those friends and family that would like to follow him and see how he is doing.
Brittain is going to be working at Treasure Mountain Scout camp this summer as a volunteer. He is so excited and I am excited for him. He will love it and it will keep him from sitting around playing video games all summer.
 Landon just finished his big dance competition in SLC, it was Nationals. His team placed 2nd and 3rd in the Nation. They did really well.  He has one more performance for the year and then he will get a bit of a break. Next year he wants to add LaCrosse to his portfolio.
Brady is playing on two baseball teams this year. Pitching machine and Little League. He is excited. He will be attending a big football camp in June and is really excited for that.
My life has slowed down tons and it seems that instead of accomplishing lots, I waste so much time. I hate it. I have decided I am the type that has to have a purpose. I need to find a new purpose since the kids are all off and doing their own thing.
Things just keep continuing to change, grow and age. Never staying the same. Such is life.

2011

I can't believe it is already 2011. I remember when I was a kid people would say, "time goes faster the older you get." It seems to be true. So much has happened in the past few years, and sometimes I can barely wrap my head around it. My kids are getting older, stronger, smarter, cuter (I know major grammar errors) and independent-ER. It seems that every moment is a whirlwind.
I try to take times during the day to just veg. Time for me. Down time. But, no matter how much "down-time" I take, it never seems to slow things down.
Tyler writes us every week, and it seems that it is just a blink of an eye before we are getting another letter. He has already been gone 8 months, 1/3 of his time out there is gone. It's good that it is going fast, because we miss him soo much, but it is unbelievable.
I am going to try to list the things that took place this year. I am doing this more for me so that I can keep a journal of 2010.
JAN- New Years Day- Sledding in Utah. Ty and I went to a Utah Jazz game. Brady had a "who am I" presentation at school.
FEB- Ty got his mission call to Lisban, PORTUGAL! Went to Billy Joel/ Elton John concert (face to face).
MARCH- Hawaii for 8 days. Went to Pearl Harbor, Laie Hawaii temple, Dole Pineapple plantation, North Shore, Polynesian Culture Center, Hanauma Bay (snorkeling), Turtle Reef, Waikiki, Da-Kine Bail Bonds (Who can forget the "Dog").
APRIL- Easter, Tyler's Farewell, pinewood derby.
MAY- Kenzie's 16th birthday, Ty goes to the MTC, DARE graduation, dance recital, school dance assembly where Brittain played the evil character from Thriller, Sweet-hearts.
JUNE- Drew's birthday, Baseball, Domi and Freddie came to visit, Aunt Gayle and Uncle Lyle came to visit.
JULY- Landon and Brittain's birthdays, decorated IFCTA float, parade, went to California, Ty left for Portugal, Oregon, Boise for district championships (Andrew's team) camping with the Enos' in Lava, Girls Camp, Adolpho's move to St. George :-(.
AUG- Ty's birthday (in Portugal), camping with Enos',Domi and Freddie go home, Daniel arrives, Syd's wrecks jeep, Syd gets new car, Daniel find home, Mirelle arrives, Jack Johnson concert, school starts.
SEP- Football starts,  camping with Enos' and Anderson's, Landon gets his arrow of light, sweethearts (Kenzie and Syd- Kenzie's first date)
OCT- Syd's Birthday, Heathers wedding (went to Oregon, girls were bridesmaid's), Got my built in bookshelves, got mini-cooper, went to Matt Costa concert, BYU game, Halloween.
NOV- Brady's Birthday, Heliana came to visit for two weeks, Thanksgiving.
DEC- Mirelle's Birthday, festival of trees performance, Terri's Birthday, went to Westminster, lots of shopping, CHRISTMAS!, New Years Eve party with the Enos' and the Christianson's.

There is our year in a nutshell!

Words of Wisdom - Glenn Beck

The Perfect advice from a parent to a child

* You’re never alone, and there is never trouble that is beyond help.

* Your Father loves you, and your Heavenly Father loves you.

* Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come, but as long as we have today it is never too late.

* Question with boldness. Read what they tell you not to. Challenge everything; the educated of this time are growing arrogant, and arrogance leads to darkness.

* Sunlight is the best disinfectant, however, sanitizer is a must. Especially in NY City.

* Look for the exits; they may save your life.

* Respect others; know that they are most likely afraid, just like you. In fact I have found that the more arrogant and forceful they become, the more afraid they are.

* The worst thing in life you can do is to dishonor yourself and your family, and then go living a life without setting it right.

* Marry for love, marry for laughs, but most importantly, marry with God. For without God, life’s storms are too strong to withstand.

* Wealth and fame are an illusion. We’ve been rich we’ve been poor we’ve been happy both times, but when you are truly miserable is when you lie to yourself and others.

* Alcohol and drugs make life easier, for a very short time, and then they destroy.

* There is no experience that is bad. Experience just is, it’s what you do with that experience, how you use it. Will it shape your life for the better and help you to be a stronger person, or will you allow those experiences to smother and destroy you?

* Call 911 first, and then call your Dad.

* Always have a picture on your desk of someone you admire.

* Don’t let life wash over you, wave after wave. You are not a rock. Learn from the waves; learn from the currents. Choose to sail.

* "I AM THAT I AM" is the most powerful phrase in any language. As it is, the name of God. Never use it in vain. Use it to create who you want to be. “I am ______. But know that if you don’t fill that blank in, someone else will. You can ignore it, but if you do, it will be filled in by others or just life. There will always be many who will try to fill that blank in, but only you can fill it in, and be happy.

* The Lord lives and he is personal. He loves you and is always there to help. But we have to train ourselves to hear him. We have to use our faith and exercise it like a muscle. The more we use faith, the louder he becomes.

* Serve him in all things. Stand where he asks you to stand. Stand, for you do, have a purpose.

* Your job is to remember who you are. Remember what you agreed upon.

* We are meant to be happy. But remember, “no pain, no gain.”

* Life is hard, and then, it gets harder. And then you die, but every single second of life is worth it.

* Always say what you mean and mean what you say.

* Always turn the other cheek and always forgive. But don’t forget so much that you put yourself in the same situation.

* Question authority. Including everything you have just read.

* Make these things true, because you know them to be true.

* You have everything you need to be happy. I hope you figure that out before I did.

* Freedom, Rights are given to Man, by God. They are his; protect them. You are the guardian.

* Private Jet travel is the only material thing that can actually change your life. However, refined manner, gentleness, meekness, kindness will be the only currency of any true value.

* Stuff doesn’t matter.

* Forgiveness is divine.

* The Atonement is real.

* You are worthy.

* Hell is an eternity of regret, not being able to forgive yourself.

* Cabs smell worse in the summer.

* Walk a lot. And never stop noticing things around you. When you do, change your way, or change your address.

* People are good. They want to do the right thing. Give them the opportunity.

* Shadows are darkest at noon. And it always gets colder before sunrise.

* It’s never wrong to do the right thing.

* Learn to love others that you know, or you really don’t like.

* Read the scriptures everyday. They are alive and He speaks to you through them.

* There are no coincidences in life.

* Learn, laugh, love.

* Sleep hard, and sleep less.

* Pray on your knees.

* To whom much is given, much is required. (You’ve been given the world and beyond.)

* Only date those who love you as much as I do. Only date those who’ll treat you, as I have tried.

* Never want something too much. You will always end up paying too high of a price, one way or another.

* If you must shoot, shoot to kill.

* Labels are meaningless.

* Someone you meet today is afraid, or suffering, find them, comfort them.

* Never let the sun go down without saying you’re sorry for your wrongs.

* Your parents miss you. Call them. Call them now.

* Life goes by far to fast.

* Keep a journal. Write what you think. Write what you question. Write what you know.

* There is order in all things. Stay in that order, stay in the flow.

* You will find very few real friends in life. Cherish them. Things will change, and you will fall in and out of each others lives, but when you do come back together, it will be as if you never left.

* The hardest thing to do is to admit is failure. To admit weakness. Only the very strong do. The weak never ask for help.

* Fasting is prayer.

* Fasting without prayer is a diet.

Missionary Mom

It always seems that Sundays are the hardest days to get through. Right now especially. Everything that is said and done reminds me of Tyler. I walk down the halls at church and see his picture hanging there and miss him terribly. Him going to college was hard but this mission thing is so much harder than I ever imagined. He has only been out 1/5 of the time. I hate not talking with him daily. It's hard when I see photos, when I come across his things and when I have to update his blog. I find myself reading his letters several time a week.
It surprises me really. I never thought of myself as one of "those" kind of moms. I was the kind of mom that would be like, "See you Son. Do well and be a good example of your family." But in actuality, I am one of "those" moms. I get teary when I think about him. I look forward with anticipation to getting his weekly letters and I can't wait to send him a package, knowing he is going to be excited to get something from home.
I don't know, maybe it's because we are so similar in the way we are. Our personalities are so close I know how he will react to things and I understand him better than just about anyone (I think).
I was watching home videos the other day and I fell in love with that little boy all over again. He had the sweetest little voice on the planet, and he could speak so well for a two year old. He had such a sweet nature about him.
By the time he was five, I would cry when he got off the bus, because he was such a little snot. He could push my buttons and hurt my feelings easier than anyone (and still can).
I think there is just something special between a  mother and a first child. Something about the experience of learning the roll of motherhood and figuring it out with that first child that bonds you to them. I feel like even though he is not here I spend a lot of my time thinking about him. Wondering what he's doing, how he's doing, where he's going. I have to make myself not think about him when all the kids are at school and the house is quiet. Sometimes I think he will be on the couch playing the guitar when I walk in. Or I turn on music he likes just so I can feel closer to him.
Although I miss the heck out of him, I know that he is doing what he needs to be doing. I know that he is gaining life experiences he would never get the opportunity to receive, if not for this mission. And I know that he will be a much better father, husband, brother, son and man for having gone and served the Lord. I am prouder of him, than I thought I ever could be. And although it hurts at times, I wouldn't have him be anywhere else in the World.