Family Creed

I was just reading the blog of a friend of mine. She posts at least a few times a week. She is so diligent and she keeps us in stitches. As I was reading it, on her side bar is her family creed. I was so impressed by the things they came up with. It goes like this........

In times of need our family steps in and steps up and the "wagons are circled".

Our family believes that through the Atonement of Christ and by doing the best we can, Christ will make up for the rest and we will receive eternal life.

Our family believes in prayer, and the power of it, and the need for it, and the blessing of it.

Our family will not let those who died and suffered for our religion to be in vain. We know what they stood for and we will stand also.

Our family believes in WORK!

Our family shows and feels empathy for others!

Our family, with few exceptions, does not borrow money!

Then sadly I thought of our family creed. It goes like this..............

"If you don't have anything nice to say....then shut the Hell up"...

(Sorry for the language, but it is what it is. What can i say, my dad was a sailor) 

Twenty Five

It has been soooo long since I posted anything on here. I feel as though every time I write on here it is depressing. But, I feel compelled to write once again, mostly for me. It's cathartic, I guess.
Next week is my 25th wedding anniversary. Wow, 25 years, I just have a hard time wrapping my head around that. We were just babies, with all the ideals and romantic dreams of how life was going to turn out. Who knew we would have 6 kids, live in 4 different states, go through 14 jobs over those 25 years. Life has never been smooth, nor has it been easy.

A lot of people look at us and think, "wow they have a great marriage", and for the most part it's been good. We've not lost any children. There has been no infidelity. We didn't fight often, or abuse one another. But EASY??? Nope, it's not been easy. We are extremely different people, with different needs, wants and desires. I'm independent, logical, (try to be organized), impatient, demanding, confident in my thoughts and opinions, need to be busy, like to be needed, don't care what people think of me. He's emotional, impulsive (about some things), sensitive, passionate about certain topics (gets obsessed), needy, doesn't like confrontation, loves to be liked, generous, compassionate. In some ways we really compliment each other and our ideals. In other ways we really clash. I'm a "getter done' kinda gal. And he's a, "there's a hurdle in the way, put it down and move on to the next idea", kinda guy. So I guess in some ways he's calmed me down, and I have made him be more driven.
Neither of us were really raised by anyone but life. We learned lessons the hard way. Through humiliation, embarrassment and pure determination. We didn't have parents that guided us and helped us set goals, and taught us life lessons. We paid for our own wedding and everything in between. We didn't have people to help us out when we were first married. We didn't have parents that would make up the difference when we were worried about birthdays or Christmas. We didn't have someone to advice us on finances or major purchases. We didn't have anyone to turn to when life felt unbearable. All we had was each other, and I guess that's how we really have gotten through these 25 years. Just leaning on each other. We had to except each others weaknesses, so that we could depend on the strengths.
The one thing we have always had is..... we were friends. We enjoyed one anothers company and respected the differences.
As I look at my children I sometimes wonder if guidance and knowledge is a bit overrated. I don't know that they are any better going out into the world, with all the knowledge and guidance we have provided, than we were without it. I think because we had to learn the hard way, maybe we learned a bit earlier and fell a little harder, in order to make the lesson a bit more real. I'm not sure if my kids just ended up with all of our weaknesses, or if some of our weaknesses became strengths, because of the life lessons we learned.
I have two children at home right now that are older than I was when I got married. It's strange to look at them and think that I was so sure of what I wanted and didn't hesitate or look back. I went at it full speed.
Did I cripple my kids because I "parented" too much? Did I lecture more than I needed, when maybe standing back and allowing natural consequences be the lesson? Did I catch them to often when they should have fallen, in order to make them stronger for the next time they fell?
Life is tricky, and as a parent you constantly question if you have done it right. Did I set the right example? Should I have been at home reading Dr. Suess, instead of at meetings to start a charter school? Should I have encouraged them more to do more things, to create more talents, to make more friends? Should I have crafted with them more, and cleaned less? Should I have pushed morning scriptures more? Should I have been stricter? Have I been a good enough parent? Kind enough, loving, forgiving, accepting, patient? Did we as parents show enough love for one another? Did we speak kindly to each other, respect one another????
Life is just one big question....... But I read a quote the other day, that I am going to remind myself of everyday in order to be at peace with who I am and the choices I've made.

"The PAST cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased; it can only be ACCEPTED."

 So here's to the last 25 years. Whether it be good, bad or ugly....It is, what it is. I'm just glad I get to spend it with these people. It makes it all worth while. I'm glad I have an eternal companion to fight through all the difficulties and celebrate all the milestones with. Life can send you hurdles to jump over, and at times I feel as though I don't have the energy or desire to jump them. I know I can, I have in the past and I will in the future. I can do hard things, I have a friend that will pick me up and brush me off when I fall. 

Thanks Drew for being the MAN that you are. And thanks for the past 25 years. Here's to 25 more.

A Few Things I've learned to be True......

1. Life Never is Easy, But It's Worth It - Sure, there are times when you look around and think, "Wow, everything is going so smooth." However we all know that as soon as you have that thought, the next trial is just around the corner. Then there is that moment when all the trials and blood, sweat and tears all seem to have made the hard times worth it, because you appreciate them so much more.
2. Having Children is the Best/Worst Thing Ever- Children bring you the most joy and the most heartache you will ever experience. Having one of them wrap their arms around you and say, "I love you mom" is one of life's greatest joys. Having them then say, "I hate you," feels like they stabbed you through the heart. But I have to say one of the hardest things about being a parent is....all their disappointments, failures and bad choices, are things you get to experience and worry about. I often have to remind myself that they have to experience them and I don't need to take them personal or responsibility for them. They are for them to experience.
3.  I Love My Children More Than Anything - They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Why I put in hours of volunteer time at the school. Why I put hundreds of miles a week on my car. Why my bank account is always teetering on the brink of collapse. Why I believe in an Eternal family. They are why I believe we have a loving Heavenly Father. Through them, I understand the atonement. Why our Father in Heaven wants us to return to him. And how hard it must be for him to watch us stumble and fall.
4. Life Goes By So Quickly - I remember my brother-in-law saying once that, life goes quicker as you get older, but as soon as you have children it goes by in warp speed. He was so right. I can't believe how quickly the last 20 years have gone by. It seems like just yesterday when we lived in a little apartment in East Portland, with our two little ones, just trying to scrape together enough money for Drew to have gas for work, for the week. Trying not to go crazy in that little 600 square foot apartment. Trying to keep Sydney from once again tearing out the books from the book case. Experiencing our first ever Earthquake. And just wishing I could spend more time with my mom before she died.
5. Enjoy Life While You are Young - Not that life isn't still exciting, but for some reason as you get older something happens that kind of dulls new experiences. I look back on the adventurous parts of my life and remember how exciting they seemed. Now, I don't really anticipate a lot. I mostly just look forward to the times when all my family is together. That seems to be the most thrilling of times.
6. Embrace Life - I've watched a few of my children not go forward with things out of fear, and it saddens me that they are not embracing all the things that they could, because they are afraid. Just take a step forward and hold on.....It's ok not to know what is around the next corner. It's ok not to have a plan. It's ok to fail. It's ok to make mistakes. We all do. But from those things we grow and learn. If you don't do anything you gain nothing. Just LIVE life.
7. You don't have to have a lot of friends but make sure the ones you do have are good ones - I have some of the best friends in the WORLD. They are loyal, kind, loving, good mothers, selfless. They are the kind of women I want to be. I look up to each of them in different ways. Each of them have a quality (or qualities) that I want to incorporate in my life. I have had friends come and go, but the ones I have kept are the ones that help me to strive to be a better person.
8. Don't Take Life to Serious - I think of all the things that I used to stress out about and wonder, why? My kids always had to have matching socks, that were white. No characters on their clothing. Pajamas always had to fit and be nice. Hair had to be cute when leaving the house (that only lasted until Syd was about 8). My house had to be spotless when company was coming. When we would have a clean day, my kids would always ask, "who's coming to visit." Laugh/smile often. Play games, often. Run, jump, skip and swing, often. Tickle, often.
9. Things I Think Are Still Important - Scheduled bed times for little children. Washing hands after using the bathroom. Opening your door to people in need, (what's the point of having a large house if you don't share it). Sharing with others. People are more important than things.
10. Time is Important- whether it's sharing your time with others. Or saving some time for yourself. Make sure your time is valuable to you, and other peoples time is also valuable to you. Whether you are late or on time for an appointment says a lot about how you feel about others.

My Birthday Letter

Dear Mother,

Due to a lack of time, I was unable to write you yesterday. However, I have found time to write you today... so please forgive me.

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I want you to know that I truly appreciate everything you have done in my life. You have a been a great example for me. You have been a true example of the pure love of Christ. I know you would do absolutely anything to help any one of your kids. We all know that. We, many times, forget to express our gratitude and love. But I want you to know that I love you. Heavenly Father gave me the best mother that I could ask for. I really love you more than words can express. I am appreciative for everything you have done, and continue to do in my life. I know that Heavenly Father is proud of the mother that you are as well. Don't be too hard on yourself :) we all love you! Happy late birthday as well! :)

your son,

Ty

Growing up!

As I reflect (since that's the name of my blog) on my life, I realize that my kids moving out and moving on isn't the most difficult part of the process. The difficult part is....that for the last 18-22 years of their life, I have been the most instrumental, influential person in their lives. I am no longer that person. My entire existence for the past 22 years has primarily been to mold and shape and (maybe sometimes) inspire my children to be the people they are. Like I said in a previous post....I have to change my purpose. I am one of those people that need a purpose. So laying here in bed until 10:30 am does not fulfill me. There is only so much you can do on Facebook or on a blog.
It's hard because only a handful of my friends can relate. And it's kind of a silent sadness that we all face, yet we don't talk much about. I think maybe because we've lost our own identity somewhere in the raising of our children, and it's a bit sad a pathetic that when they are gone and grown up, we don't know what to do with ourselves anymore.
I was never going to be one of "those" moms. I was going to celebrate when they were gone. Yet, I am not celebrating. I guess when you feel the only good thing in life you have accomplished is the children you have born, it's a dose of reality, that the good things have moved on.
Oh my life isn't completely over yet. I still have football 4-5 nights a week and dance 4 days a week and piano and jiu-jitsu. It's definitely, not over yet.
Syd is off at college, she's on her own. She rarely calls home (is that a good thing-or bad?). Ty is planning his life when he gets home. Everyone he knows is married, so that will probably happen soon after getting home. Kenzie is working and driving and home so seldom we hardly know she exists. The boys....oh the boys! They make me feel so old, and tired. I'm tired of hearing fighting, I'm tired of nagging to do chores, I'm tired of telling them to do their homework. I'm just tired! Yet I still have some time left. How do I make the most of it, when the enthusiasm has dwindled? I still want to make it exciting for them. I want home to be the place they want to come to. I want them to want to come to us for advice.
I was looking through photos of my kids yesterday, and Kenzie said, "Oh I wish Brady was that age again."  I look at those and wish I could just for one day go back and be with each of those little babies again. I wish I could swoop them up in my arms and tickle them, kiss their tears when they get hurt and snuggle next to them, when they fall asleep. The time has gone so quickly, like everyone says, and I feel as though I failed to enjoy it as I should have. If only we could capture a moment or two that we could go back and replay every now and then. I think that would help to ease the pain, of a time gone by.
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
-Bob Marley

County Fair!

Brady in the hamster ball.

So one of my very first posts was on the County Fair. I talked about the quality of people that attended and worked there. Every year we go, (why, I don't know). It's the same thing every year. I guess the hum of the whole thing is exciting. It smells bad, the amount of drunks is uncountable and the Carnies just give me the creeps. I don't understand it. It's like voluntarily being water boarded. UGH! Why, I ask, do we do this to ourselves. Don't even get me started on the whole expense of it all. My goodness you have to be a CEO of a corporation just to afford to go on the rides and eat the food. It costs more to go to the County Fair than to take your kids to Lagoon for the day. I'm not kidding about that. And believe me, there is no comparison.
So the whole reason I'm writing this is......everyone says they are going to the fair, for fair food. And every year I think, "ok, maybe I am missing something. I will try something different this year." So far the only thing I have liked there has been the Elephant ears and the Corn on the Cob. Maybe I'm just not into fried food. That must be it. Or maybe old food, or perhaps cold food. It's just gross people. I can't stand it. Yet every year I endure it. Well, maybe that will gain me some browny points from my last blog entry. The things we endure for our children.