Lucy Quinn

 Lucy Quinn was born on March 27th, 2023. Born is a relative term, I guess, because Lucy was stillborn when she came into this world. My heart is still grieving, and a part of me doesn't understand why as a grandmother it has affected me so deeply. 

I've lost a lot of people in my life. Both parents before age 25, by two brothers in the early 2000's. My sister last year. Yet, this death has been by far, the most tragic thing I've ever gone through. 

How does this happen to a perfectly healthy baby. She had a strong heartbeat on Thursday, and Sunday she was gone. There are no answers. The cord wasn't wrapped around her neck, no knots in the cord, and nothing wrong with the placenta. All bloodwork came back normal. 

Lucy was suppose to be here. She would be just over 4 weeks old. McKenzie is broken, any mother would be. All the plans, the clothes, the pink things.....Why?

I had a dream several months back that my granddaughter Piper died. When I woke up from the dream, I was still mourning, even though I knew it was only a dream. In the dream I realized, that I've never thought about the grandparents in a tragic child death. I never thought how much they would grieve. It was eye-opening. I even told Kallie about the dream, and how amiss I had been when feeling bad, or praying for the parents of a lost child, but never praying or thinking of the grandparents. 

I'm not sure why I had that dream, but honestly, the only dreams I remember are ones that are very significant in some way. One's that teach me something. I have a feeling this dream was to prepare me for this loss. 

I thought God and I had an understanding (apparently it was one sided). I told him, it is one thing for him to have taken so many people from me, although it was hard, I could live with it, but he couldn't have my babies. Perhaps I should have added grand-babies. I thought that was implied in the deal.

I'm currently not speaking to God, I'm a little angry. I'm sure I will get over it shortly, but I think he took my strength for granted this time. I wonder if he just wants to break me. Like a wild horse, so I will bend to his way. I feel broken, but in a different way. In a way I can't get up from. In a way that I want to just lay on the ground and wait for the ref to count to 10 and count me out. 

I don't think I will ever understand or come to terms with this loss, and I don't know that God can ever make up for it, but I will try to feel Lucy in every day. In all the daffodils I see. I will think of Lucy with my sister, as she shows her all the wonders there are to see (Kathy just loved to go for walks, she loved to walk along the creek banks and find treasures, and watch the hummingbirds as they ate from the flowers, look for arrowheads and cool rocks). I will imagine Lucy holding Kathy's hand as they look for treasures, and watch the creepy crawly things on the ground. I know Kathy will look after until we get the chance to meet again. 

Regrets

     It's not very often that I am upset with my parents, because it has always been my motto that, when you know better, you do better. But I have to say this weekend made me a little bitter. Not for me (well maybe a little) but mostly for my children. For the loss of memories. For the lack of a family history. For the lack of a family to reflect back on and be proud of. 

    Sure there are a few things I can relay to my children that they could be proud of. Their grandfather served in World War II. That he was at and survived the bombing of Pearl Harbor.  That both my parents lived through the Depression. That their grandparents were hard workers, who never asked a dime from anyone, and opened their door to those in need. That they were kind and honest to those they came in contact with.  

     I wish I knew more about their childhood, how they met, what they wished they would have done better or different. How exactly did my dad manage to find two Nadine's to fall in love with?

I don't have a lot of regrets, not because I haven't made a lot of mistakes along the way, but mostly because the ones I have made, I have learned many valuable lessons from. But I have to say that one of the regrets I have is that my children have not had the opportunity to be close to family.

     Andrew and I had the opportunity to go to a dear mans funeral yesterday. He was a neighbor of ours 10 years ago when we lived on Falls Dr.  He and his wife were retired and they were such sweet people. He was such a gentle soul. He lived just across the street from us. Our first encounter with him was when I was first moving in and I had run into the house to drop something off and left the kids in the car. I was driving my mother in laws big huge Chrysler, and Kenzie slipped up to the front seat and pulled the car out of gear. It rolled backwards and ran into Steve and Glenda's chain link fence. Luckily it didn't do any damage, but I was so worried that our brand new neighbors would think we were negligent parents. He just smiled and said, "no harm done."  He reminded me a lot of my father. He didn't talk a lot but you knew that he had such wisdom. He would pick strawberries with my kids and play with Luke (his golden retriever) and them. I had such respect for him and secretly wished he could be my children's grandfather.

    Anyway, the reason I am reflecting on this time is because, Steve and his wife were kind of surrogate grandparents to my kids. As they gave his life sketch at the funeral, they talked about what a wonderful grandfather he was and how much he  enjoyed his grandchildren, it just made me sad that my children didn't have the chance to have a wise and gentle grandfather (other than Steve) in their life.  My kids have 5 Aunts, and 4 Uncles. And only have a relationship with one or two of them. They have many cousins, but aren't close to any of them. It's been hard to feel like a lone family with no support system or anyone to celebrate our accomplishments with or lean on when times are hard.  

     One thing I am really hoping for is that they are close to one another, that they are good Aunts and Uncles. And that we are the kind of grandparents that we wanted our children to have. I know that we are given the challenges we are given in order for us to learn and grow. I hope we have learned the importance of family.  I hope we live long enough to know our grandchildren. I hope we are always there to celebrate their accomplishments and to be there to support them when they need it.

I miss my parents and am sad they didn't get the chance to know their grandchildren. I think they would have really loved them.

My Baggage, Your Baggage

So lately I've had several times where I've had the pleasure of dining with others, perhaps no more frequently than in the past, but lately I've been noticing a pattern.
See I'm a picky eater, I've been a picky eater my WHOLE life. It's never changed. I don't like MANY things, I'm not a big dessert eater and I'm not in any stretch of the imagination daring when it comes to food.
Too many ingredients, not sure what is in it, anything remotely resembling an onion, pot luck, too ethnic....... All of these things are cause for concern for me when it comes to food.
So this is where the issue lies.......with other people........not me. It doesn't inconvenience me in the least. I will find something on the menu to eat, or if going to a potluck I will eat a small bit before going, in case I don't like anything there, that way I won't be starving while everyone else is eating. I wish I liked more food, but I don't. No biggy. So tell me this? Why is it so offensive to others that I'm picky? I don't make people cater to me. There are some things I don't care for and will stay away from certain restaurants like, sushi, Thai, and I'm not a lover of pizza, but I'll eat it. I don't cause a fuss if others want to eat at a restaurant I don't care for. I can usually find something.
People make such a big deal if I order something plain,  sauce on the side, or just get a side dish, like somehow I've just offended them because I'm not enjoying the food they enjoy so much.
I think it's kind of sad how food obsessed our society is. I also feel bad that I don't love food, but my daughter really enjoys it. She is not picky in the least. She likes most anything, but sadly she is soooo limited to the things she can eat because of a severe food allergy that causes fatigue, migraines and at times vomiting and rashes over her body. Every meal is thought out and planned. She can't just go anywhere and eat, for fear of cross contamination. She can't prepare her meals without rewashing dishes and scrubbing surfaces in case of cross contamination. She has to look at ingredients ALWAYS. Traveling is a pain for her. Thank goodness for the internet. At least she can research places to eat.
She loves food and can't eat most things. I couldn't care less for food and can eat anything. People feel bad for her, but annoyed by me. Haha what a world we live in.

Brittain

Wow, this young man is growing up right before my very eyes. He towers over me now. Brittain has been the kid in our family that is truly the middle child. He has always been lost in the shuffle. There have been times I'm sure he has resented it, but for the most part he has been kind of happy to be in the background. He has always been able to entertain himself, without much interaction from me. This has been refreshing for the most part, but looking back at it, when you have six kids if they don't squeak, you don't fix them. So I'm sure he didn't get all the attention he probably could have used. In some ways he was frustrating. He was the oldest to want to potty train. He is the most volatile. He has been hyper sensitive. But on the bright side, he taught himself to read. He taught himself multiplication (at age 5). He's self sufficient. He doesn't need to be with friends all the time. But I think he gets lonely a lot. And I know he often feels left out, and wishes someone would call him to do things.
I have to admit though, that I worry about him most. He doesn't make friends easily, and when he does, he's easily offended and hurt by them. Adults don't get him at all. His peers often don't get him.And sometimes I don't even get him. He just thinks on a different level than most people. I worry that he won't find someone that gets him. That he won't find a job or a boss that gets him. I worry he will be alone in life (besides his family). In someways he's a lot like his dad. But his dad managed to have lots of friends, so maybe there is hope yet.
It breaks my heart when people hurt his feelings. When teachers have just given up on him. When he's labeled. 

He's such a good person, with a good heart. He loves his family. He's not rebellious. He's so stinkin smart. He's so compassionate. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He adores his grandma. He's creative and very resourceful. He's so handsome. I just love this boy to death.

Family Creed

I was just reading the blog of a friend of mine. She posts at least a few times a week. She is so diligent and she keeps us in stitches. As I was reading it, on her side bar is her family creed. I was so impressed by the things they came up with. It goes like this........

In times of need our family steps in and steps up and the "wagons are circled".

Our family believes that through the Atonement of Christ and by doing the best we can, Christ will make up for the rest and we will receive eternal life.

Our family believes in prayer, and the power of it, and the need for it, and the blessing of it.

Our family will not let those who died and suffered for our religion to be in vain. We know what they stood for and we will stand also.

Our family believes in WORK!

Our family shows and feels empathy for others!

Our family, with few exceptions, does not borrow money!

Then sadly I thought of our family creed. It goes like this..............

"If you don't have anything nice to say....then shut the Hell up"...

(Sorry for the language, but it is what it is. What can i say, my dad was a sailor) 

Twenty Five

It has been soooo long since I posted anything on here. I feel as though every time I write on here it is depressing. But, I feel compelled to write once again, mostly for me. It's cathartic, I guess.
Next week is my 25th wedding anniversary. Wow, 25 years, I just have a hard time wrapping my head around that. We were just babies, with all the ideals and romantic dreams of how life was going to turn out. Who knew we would have 6 kids, live in 4 different states, go through 14 jobs over those 25 years. Life has never been smooth, nor has it been easy.

A lot of people look at us and think, "wow they have a great marriage", and for the most part it's been good. We've not lost any children. There has been no infidelity. We didn't fight often, or abuse one another. But EASY??? Nope, it's not been easy. We are extremely different people, with different needs, wants and desires. I'm independent, logical, (try to be organized), impatient, demanding, confident in my thoughts and opinions, need to be busy, like to be needed, don't care what people think of me. He's emotional, impulsive (about some things), sensitive, passionate about certain topics (gets obsessed), needy, doesn't like confrontation, loves to be liked, generous, compassionate. In some ways we really compliment each other and our ideals. In other ways we really clash. I'm a "getter done' kinda gal. And he's a, "there's a hurdle in the way, put it down and move on to the next idea", kinda guy. So I guess in some ways he's calmed me down, and I have made him be more driven.
Neither of us were really raised by anyone but life. We learned lessons the hard way. Through humiliation, embarrassment and pure determination. We didn't have parents that guided us and helped us set goals, and taught us life lessons. We paid for our own wedding and everything in between. We didn't have people to help us out when we were first married. We didn't have parents that would make up the difference when we were worried about birthdays or Christmas. We didn't have someone to advice us on finances or major purchases. We didn't have anyone to turn to when life felt unbearable. All we had was each other, and I guess that's how we really have gotten through these 25 years. Just leaning on each other. We had to except each others weaknesses, so that we could depend on the strengths.
The one thing we have always had is..... we were friends. We enjoyed one anothers company and respected the differences.
As I look at my children I sometimes wonder if guidance and knowledge is a bit overrated. I don't know that they are any better going out into the world, with all the knowledge and guidance we have provided, than we were without it. I think because we had to learn the hard way, maybe we learned a bit earlier and fell a little harder, in order to make the lesson a bit more real. I'm not sure if my kids just ended up with all of our weaknesses, or if some of our weaknesses became strengths, because of the life lessons we learned.
I have two children at home right now that are older than I was when I got married. It's strange to look at them and think that I was so sure of what I wanted and didn't hesitate or look back. I went at it full speed.
Did I cripple my kids because I "parented" too much? Did I lecture more than I needed, when maybe standing back and allowing natural consequences be the lesson? Did I catch them to often when they should have fallen, in order to make them stronger for the next time they fell?
Life is tricky, and as a parent you constantly question if you have done it right. Did I set the right example? Should I have been at home reading Dr. Suess, instead of at meetings to start a charter school? Should I have encouraged them more to do more things, to create more talents, to make more friends? Should I have crafted with them more, and cleaned less? Should I have pushed morning scriptures more? Should I have been stricter? Have I been a good enough parent? Kind enough, loving, forgiving, accepting, patient? Did we as parents show enough love for one another? Did we speak kindly to each other, respect one another????
Life is just one big question....... But I read a quote the other day, that I am going to remind myself of everyday in order to be at peace with who I am and the choices I've made.

"The PAST cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased; it can only be ACCEPTED."

 So here's to the last 25 years. Whether it be good, bad or ugly....It is, what it is. I'm just glad I get to spend it with these people. It makes it all worth while. I'm glad I have an eternal companion to fight through all the difficulties and celebrate all the milestones with. Life can send you hurdles to jump over, and at times I feel as though I don't have the energy or desire to jump them. I know I can, I have in the past and I will in the future. I can do hard things, I have a friend that will pick me up and brush me off when I fall. 

Thanks Drew for being the MAN that you are. And thanks for the past 25 years. Here's to 25 more.

A Few Things I've learned to be True......

1. Life Never is Easy, But It's Worth It - Sure, there are times when you look around and think, "Wow, everything is going so smooth." However we all know that as soon as you have that thought, the next trial is just around the corner. Then there is that moment when all the trials and blood, sweat and tears all seem to have made the hard times worth it, because you appreciate them so much more.
2. Having Children is the Best/Worst Thing Ever- Children bring you the most joy and the most heartache you will ever experience. Having one of them wrap their arms around you and say, "I love you mom" is one of life's greatest joys. Having them then say, "I hate you," feels like they stabbed you through the heart. But I have to say one of the hardest things about being a parent is....all their disappointments, failures and bad choices, are things you get to experience and worry about. I often have to remind myself that they have to experience them and I don't need to take them personal or responsibility for them. They are for them to experience.
3.  I Love My Children More Than Anything - They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Why I put in hours of volunteer time at the school. Why I put hundreds of miles a week on my car. Why my bank account is always teetering on the brink of collapse. Why I believe in an Eternal family. They are why I believe we have a loving Heavenly Father. Through them, I understand the atonement. Why our Father in Heaven wants us to return to him. And how hard it must be for him to watch us stumble and fall.
4. Life Goes By So Quickly - I remember my brother-in-law saying once that, life goes quicker as you get older, but as soon as you have children it goes by in warp speed. He was so right. I can't believe how quickly the last 20 years have gone by. It seems like just yesterday when we lived in a little apartment in East Portland, with our two little ones, just trying to scrape together enough money for Drew to have gas for work, for the week. Trying not to go crazy in that little 600 square foot apartment. Trying to keep Sydney from once again tearing out the books from the book case. Experiencing our first ever Earthquake. And just wishing I could spend more time with my mom before she died.
5. Enjoy Life While You are Young - Not that life isn't still exciting, but for some reason as you get older something happens that kind of dulls new experiences. I look back on the adventurous parts of my life and remember how exciting they seemed. Now, I don't really anticipate a lot. I mostly just look forward to the times when all my family is together. That seems to be the most thrilling of times.
6. Embrace Life - I've watched a few of my children not go forward with things out of fear, and it saddens me that they are not embracing all the things that they could, because they are afraid. Just take a step forward and hold on.....It's ok not to know what is around the next corner. It's ok not to have a plan. It's ok to fail. It's ok to make mistakes. We all do. But from those things we grow and learn. If you don't do anything you gain nothing. Just LIVE life.
7. You don't have to have a lot of friends but make sure the ones you do have are good ones - I have some of the best friends in the WORLD. They are loyal, kind, loving, good mothers, selfless. They are the kind of women I want to be. I look up to each of them in different ways. Each of them have a quality (or qualities) that I want to incorporate in my life. I have had friends come and go, but the ones I have kept are the ones that help me to strive to be a better person.
8. Don't Take Life to Serious - I think of all the things that I used to stress out about and wonder, why? My kids always had to have matching socks, that were white. No characters on their clothing. Pajamas always had to fit and be nice. Hair had to be cute when leaving the house (that only lasted until Syd was about 8). My house had to be spotless when company was coming. When we would have a clean day, my kids would always ask, "who's coming to visit." Laugh/smile often. Play games, often. Run, jump, skip and swing, often. Tickle, often.
9. Things I Think Are Still Important - Scheduled bed times for little children. Washing hands after using the bathroom. Opening your door to people in need, (what's the point of having a large house if you don't share it). Sharing with others. People are more important than things.
10. Time is Important- whether it's sharing your time with others. Or saving some time for yourself. Make sure your time is valuable to you, and other peoples time is also valuable to you. Whether you are late or on time for an appointment says a lot about how you feel about others.

My Birthday Letter

Dear Mother,

Due to a lack of time, I was unable to write you yesterday. However, I have found time to write you today... so please forgive me.

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I want you to know that I truly appreciate everything you have done in my life. You have a been a great example for me. You have been a true example of the pure love of Christ. I know you would do absolutely anything to help any one of your kids. We all know that. We, many times, forget to express our gratitude and love. But I want you to know that I love you. Heavenly Father gave me the best mother that I could ask for. I really love you more than words can express. I am appreciative for everything you have done, and continue to do in my life. I know that Heavenly Father is proud of the mother that you are as well. Don't be too hard on yourself :) we all love you! Happy late birthday as well! :)

your son,

Ty

Growing up!

As I reflect (since that's the name of my blog) on my life, I realize that my kids moving out and moving on isn't the most difficult part of the process. The difficult part is....that for the last 18-22 years of their life, I have been the most instrumental, influential person in their lives. I am no longer that person. My entire existence for the past 22 years has primarily been to mold and shape and (maybe sometimes) inspire my children to be the people they are. Like I said in a previous post....I have to change my purpose. I am one of those people that need a purpose. So laying here in bed until 10:30 am does not fulfill me. There is only so much you can do on Facebook or on a blog.
It's hard because only a handful of my friends can relate. And it's kind of a silent sadness that we all face, yet we don't talk much about. I think maybe because we've lost our own identity somewhere in the raising of our children, and it's a bit sad a pathetic that when they are gone and grown up, we don't know what to do with ourselves anymore.
I was never going to be one of "those" moms. I was going to celebrate when they were gone. Yet, I am not celebrating. I guess when you feel the only good thing in life you have accomplished is the children you have born, it's a dose of reality, that the good things have moved on.
Oh my life isn't completely over yet. I still have football 4-5 nights a week and dance 4 days a week and piano and jiu-jitsu. It's definitely, not over yet.
Syd is off at college, she's on her own. She rarely calls home (is that a good thing-or bad?). Ty is planning his life when he gets home. Everyone he knows is married, so that will probably happen soon after getting home. Kenzie is working and driving and home so seldom we hardly know she exists. The boys....oh the boys! They make me feel so old, and tired. I'm tired of hearing fighting, I'm tired of nagging to do chores, I'm tired of telling them to do their homework. I'm just tired! Yet I still have some time left. How do I make the most of it, when the enthusiasm has dwindled? I still want to make it exciting for them. I want home to be the place they want to come to. I want them to want to come to us for advice.
I was looking through photos of my kids yesterday, and Kenzie said, "Oh I wish Brady was that age again."  I look at those and wish I could just for one day go back and be with each of those little babies again. I wish I could swoop them up in my arms and tickle them, kiss their tears when they get hurt and snuggle next to them, when they fall asleep. The time has gone so quickly, like everyone says, and I feel as though I failed to enjoy it as I should have. If only we could capture a moment or two that we could go back and replay every now and then. I think that would help to ease the pain, of a time gone by.
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."
-Bob Marley

County Fair!

Brady in the hamster ball.

So one of my very first posts was on the County Fair. I talked about the quality of people that attended and worked there. Every year we go, (why, I don't know). It's the same thing every year. I guess the hum of the whole thing is exciting. It smells bad, the amount of drunks is uncountable and the Carnies just give me the creeps. I don't understand it. It's like voluntarily being water boarded. UGH! Why, I ask, do we do this to ourselves. Don't even get me started on the whole expense of it all. My goodness you have to be a CEO of a corporation just to afford to go on the rides and eat the food. It costs more to go to the County Fair than to take your kids to Lagoon for the day. I'm not kidding about that. And believe me, there is no comparison.
So the whole reason I'm writing this is......everyone says they are going to the fair, for fair food. And every year I think, "ok, maybe I am missing something. I will try something different this year." So far the only thing I have liked there has been the Elephant ears and the Corn on the Cob. Maybe I'm just not into fried food. That must be it. Or maybe old food, or perhaps cold food. It's just gross people. I can't stand it. Yet every year I endure it. Well, maybe that will gain me some browny points from my last blog entry. The things we endure for our children.

I Kinda Suck As A Mom (Not looking for sympathy or reasons why I don't)

I just read a friends blog and it made me realize that I really kind of suck as a mom. Not that I intentionally SUCK, but if I am truly honest and reflective, I do.
I don't go out of my way for birthdays anymore.
I don't try to make things fun and exciting.
I don't like to sit and watch movies or play games with them.
I don't do theme parties anymore.
I rarely cook dinner these days.
I nag them to go to their practices and other commitments.
Does anyone want to take over? I'm sure my kids will soon be on a couch in some Psychologists office, telling of how their mom sucked and ruined their lives.
I'm sure I'm burned out. Hell, since my oldest son was born I have celebrated 93 birthday's, UGH!
Maybe I just need a break or a grand-baby. Babies always make things fun and exciting. Teenagers just suck the life out of you and leave you limp and wanting for a kind word or a thank you.
That's it, I'm just burned out! Or at least it sounds good.

My Mothers Day Message from Ty!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY (LATE) TO THE BEST MOM EVER!

I Love You Mom, and I am thankful for everything you have done in my life. I couldn't possibly pick a better Mom in the world. You are truly loved.

TYLER

WOW!

So, my last blog was titled, I Can't Believe It's Already 2011, and it's already been 4 months since I have posted anything. I decided I am going to make more of an effort to be a bit more frequent about my blogs.
Life is changing dramatically in the Porter home. At this time we are transitioning out of the self-employed mode and now Andrew is VP of Andersen Manufacturing. He LOVES his new job. Not sure what he loves more, not having the pressure of making every customer happy, or no pressure of making enough $$ to cover all the expenses. Either way, he loves what he is doing. Right now though, he is still transitioning out and has a stack of computers in my kitchen that are waiting to be serviced. Just for the record, I hate that part.
Sydney is starting to get Senior-itis. She is so excited to be moving on to bigger and better things (college). She will be attending Westminster College in the Fall. It will be a great thing for her. I think she will thrive there.
McKenzie has decided to buckle down and go to an alternative school that will allow her to get through her core classes as fast as she is able, and maybe even graduate early next year. Then her plan is to go down to SLC and live with Syd.
Ty is almost halfway through his mission. Thing are going well for him www.tylerdouglasporter.com You can check up on him on his website. He sends me home a letter each week to post for those friends and family that would like to follow him and see how he is doing.
Brittain is going to be working at Treasure Mountain Scout camp this summer as a volunteer. He is so excited and I am excited for him. He will love it and it will keep him from sitting around playing video games all summer.
 Landon just finished his big dance competition in SLC, it was Nationals. His team placed 2nd and 3rd in the Nation. They did really well.  He has one more performance for the year and then he will get a bit of a break. Next year he wants to add LaCrosse to his portfolio.
Brady is playing on two baseball teams this year. Pitching machine and Little League. He is excited. He will be attending a big football camp in June and is really excited for that.
My life has slowed down tons and it seems that instead of accomplishing lots, I waste so much time. I hate it. I have decided I am the type that has to have a purpose. I need to find a new purpose since the kids are all off and doing their own thing.
Things just keep continuing to change, grow and age. Never staying the same. Such is life.

2011

I can't believe it is already 2011. I remember when I was a kid people would say, "time goes faster the older you get." It seems to be true. So much has happened in the past few years, and sometimes I can barely wrap my head around it. My kids are getting older, stronger, smarter, cuter (I know major grammar errors) and independent-ER. It seems that every moment is a whirlwind.
I try to take times during the day to just veg. Time for me. Down time. But, no matter how much "down-time" I take, it never seems to slow things down.
Tyler writes us every week, and it seems that it is just a blink of an eye before we are getting another letter. He has already been gone 8 months, 1/3 of his time out there is gone. It's good that it is going fast, because we miss him soo much, but it is unbelievable.
I am going to try to list the things that took place this year. I am doing this more for me so that I can keep a journal of 2010.
JAN- New Years Day- Sledding in Utah. Ty and I went to a Utah Jazz game. Brady had a "who am I" presentation at school.
FEB- Ty got his mission call to Lisban, PORTUGAL! Went to Billy Joel/ Elton John concert (face to face).
MARCH- Hawaii for 8 days. Went to Pearl Harbor, Laie Hawaii temple, Dole Pineapple plantation, North Shore, Polynesian Culture Center, Hanauma Bay (snorkeling), Turtle Reef, Waikiki, Da-Kine Bail Bonds (Who can forget the "Dog").
APRIL- Easter, Tyler's Farewell, pinewood derby.
MAY- Kenzie's 16th birthday, Ty goes to the MTC, DARE graduation, dance recital, school dance assembly where Brittain played the evil character from Thriller, Sweet-hearts.
JUNE- Drew's birthday, Baseball, Domi and Freddie came to visit, Aunt Gayle and Uncle Lyle came to visit.
JULY- Landon and Brittain's birthdays, decorated IFCTA float, parade, went to California, Ty left for Portugal, Oregon, Boise for district championships (Andrew's team) camping with the Enos' in Lava, Girls Camp, Adolpho's move to St. George :-(.
AUG- Ty's birthday (in Portugal), camping with Enos',Domi and Freddie go home, Daniel arrives, Syd's wrecks jeep, Syd gets new car, Daniel find home, Mirelle arrives, Jack Johnson concert, school starts.
SEP- Football starts,  camping with Enos' and Anderson's, Landon gets his arrow of light, sweethearts (Kenzie and Syd- Kenzie's first date)
OCT- Syd's Birthday, Heathers wedding (went to Oregon, girls were bridesmaid's), Got my built in bookshelves, got mini-cooper, went to Matt Costa concert, BYU game, Halloween.
NOV- Brady's Birthday, Heliana came to visit for two weeks, Thanksgiving.
DEC- Mirelle's Birthday, festival of trees performance, Terri's Birthday, went to Westminster, lots of shopping, CHRISTMAS!, New Years Eve party with the Enos' and the Christianson's.

There is our year in a nutshell!

Words of Wisdom - Glenn Beck

The Perfect advice from a parent to a child

* You’re never alone, and there is never trouble that is beyond help.

* Your Father loves you, and your Heavenly Father loves you.

* Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come, but as long as we have today it is never too late.

* Question with boldness. Read what they tell you not to. Challenge everything; the educated of this time are growing arrogant, and arrogance leads to darkness.

* Sunlight is the best disinfectant, however, sanitizer is a must. Especially in NY City.

* Look for the exits; they may save your life.

* Respect others; know that they are most likely afraid, just like you. In fact I have found that the more arrogant and forceful they become, the more afraid they are.

* The worst thing in life you can do is to dishonor yourself and your family, and then go living a life without setting it right.

* Marry for love, marry for laughs, but most importantly, marry with God. For without God, life’s storms are too strong to withstand.

* Wealth and fame are an illusion. We’ve been rich we’ve been poor we’ve been happy both times, but when you are truly miserable is when you lie to yourself and others.

* Alcohol and drugs make life easier, for a very short time, and then they destroy.

* There is no experience that is bad. Experience just is, it’s what you do with that experience, how you use it. Will it shape your life for the better and help you to be a stronger person, or will you allow those experiences to smother and destroy you?

* Call 911 first, and then call your Dad.

* Always have a picture on your desk of someone you admire.

* Don’t let life wash over you, wave after wave. You are not a rock. Learn from the waves; learn from the currents. Choose to sail.

* "I AM THAT I AM" is the most powerful phrase in any language. As it is, the name of God. Never use it in vain. Use it to create who you want to be. “I am ______. But know that if you don’t fill that blank in, someone else will. You can ignore it, but if you do, it will be filled in by others or just life. There will always be many who will try to fill that blank in, but only you can fill it in, and be happy.

* The Lord lives and he is personal. He loves you and is always there to help. But we have to train ourselves to hear him. We have to use our faith and exercise it like a muscle. The more we use faith, the louder he becomes.

* Serve him in all things. Stand where he asks you to stand. Stand, for you do, have a purpose.

* Your job is to remember who you are. Remember what you agreed upon.

* We are meant to be happy. But remember, “no pain, no gain.”

* Life is hard, and then, it gets harder. And then you die, but every single second of life is worth it.

* Always say what you mean and mean what you say.

* Always turn the other cheek and always forgive. But don’t forget so much that you put yourself in the same situation.

* Question authority. Including everything you have just read.

* Make these things true, because you know them to be true.

* You have everything you need to be happy. I hope you figure that out before I did.

* Freedom, Rights are given to Man, by God. They are his; protect them. You are the guardian.

* Private Jet travel is the only material thing that can actually change your life. However, refined manner, gentleness, meekness, kindness will be the only currency of any true value.

* Stuff doesn’t matter.

* Forgiveness is divine.

* The Atonement is real.

* You are worthy.

* Hell is an eternity of regret, not being able to forgive yourself.

* Cabs smell worse in the summer.

* Walk a lot. And never stop noticing things around you. When you do, change your way, or change your address.

* People are good. They want to do the right thing. Give them the opportunity.

* Shadows are darkest at noon. And it always gets colder before sunrise.

* It’s never wrong to do the right thing.

* Learn to love others that you know, or you really don’t like.

* Read the scriptures everyday. They are alive and He speaks to you through them.

* There are no coincidences in life.

* Learn, laugh, love.

* Sleep hard, and sleep less.

* Pray on your knees.

* To whom much is given, much is required. (You’ve been given the world and beyond.)

* Only date those who love you as much as I do. Only date those who’ll treat you, as I have tried.

* Never want something too much. You will always end up paying too high of a price, one way or another.

* If you must shoot, shoot to kill.

* Labels are meaningless.

* Someone you meet today is afraid, or suffering, find them, comfort them.

* Never let the sun go down without saying you’re sorry for your wrongs.

* Your parents miss you. Call them. Call them now.

* Life goes by far to fast.

* Keep a journal. Write what you think. Write what you question. Write what you know.

* There is order in all things. Stay in that order, stay in the flow.

* You will find very few real friends in life. Cherish them. Things will change, and you will fall in and out of each others lives, but when you do come back together, it will be as if you never left.

* The hardest thing to do is to admit is failure. To admit weakness. Only the very strong do. The weak never ask for help.

* Fasting is prayer.

* Fasting without prayer is a diet.

Missionary Mom

It always seems that Sundays are the hardest days to get through. Right now especially. Everything that is said and done reminds me of Tyler. I walk down the halls at church and see his picture hanging there and miss him terribly. Him going to college was hard but this mission thing is so much harder than I ever imagined. He has only been out 1/5 of the time. I hate not talking with him daily. It's hard when I see photos, when I come across his things and when I have to update his blog. I find myself reading his letters several time a week.
It surprises me really. I never thought of myself as one of "those" kind of moms. I was the kind of mom that would be like, "See you Son. Do well and be a good example of your family." But in actuality, I am one of "those" moms. I get teary when I think about him. I look forward with anticipation to getting his weekly letters and I can't wait to send him a package, knowing he is going to be excited to get something from home.
I don't know, maybe it's because we are so similar in the way we are. Our personalities are so close I know how he will react to things and I understand him better than just about anyone (I think).
I was watching home videos the other day and I fell in love with that little boy all over again. He had the sweetest little voice on the planet, and he could speak so well for a two year old. He had such a sweet nature about him.
By the time he was five, I would cry when he got off the bus, because he was such a little snot. He could push my buttons and hurt my feelings easier than anyone (and still can).
I think there is just something special between a  mother and a first child. Something about the experience of learning the roll of motherhood and figuring it out with that first child that bonds you to them. I feel like even though he is not here I spend a lot of my time thinking about him. Wondering what he's doing, how he's doing, where he's going. I have to make myself not think about him when all the kids are at school and the house is quiet. Sometimes I think he will be on the couch playing the guitar when I walk in. Or I turn on music he likes just so I can feel closer to him.
Although I miss the heck out of him, I know that he is doing what he needs to be doing. I know that he is gaining life experiences he would never get the opportunity to receive, if not for this mission. And I know that he will be a much better father, husband, brother, son and man for having gone and served the Lord. I am prouder of him, than I thought I ever could be. And although it hurts at times, I wouldn't have him be anywhere else in the World.

It's Been A Really Long Time - SORRY!

So yes, I know, it's been way long since I last posted anything. So here goes. I will try to catch you up on all that has taken place this summer. I have to go back and look at pictures to try to remember what we did.

So we started the summer off with Coach Pitch. Brady had an awesome year. He hit amazingly well. I think he only struck out once. Then somewhere in the middle of the season he decided he wanted to play catcher. At first he wasn't sure, then he really got into it. He stayed in front of all the balls and rarely let anything get past him. At the end of the season party, he was awarded the "Down and Dirty" award. The coach said he was the only kid that could play catcher like a real man and still have pink fingernails. Boy did he get razzed about the pink fingernails that he got at the school class party.

Brady's team went on to the city tournament and took 1st place. Unfortunately, we were out of town for the tournament but, Yea Team!
At the end of June Dominika (our Slovakian exchange student) came to stay with us. She also brought along her sister Frederika. They are the cutest girls and we had a great time with them. The girls helped me with the float for the IFCTA (Idaho Falls Community Tennis Association) and they spent tons of time just helping with the ball. It took a lot of time to put all the tissue paper on that thing.

Dominika

Frederika

(See the tissue paper ball)



Then on July fourth we went to California to spend a few days with my sister. Since Idaho Falls celebrates on the 3rd, (if the 4th falls on a Sunday) we left on the 4th. We got there just in time to go watch the Roseville fireworks (it was rather pitiful really, but a good attempt on their part). It was a lot of fun. On Monday we went rafting down the river. It was a day long trip. It was great fun.  Then later in the week we went to San Francisco. On Friday we drove to Oregon - Exhausting. My girls went to EFY in Forest Grove. So I just had Domi and Freddi and the boys. We went to the beach during the week.

Dominika and Freddie

Landon and Brady at Seaside and riding the bumper cars

We went and looked for arrowheads in the fields next to my nieces house. We celebrated Elizabeth's birthday. We went and visited with Doug (Andrews brother). It was a busy week.  We also went to the Portland Zoo with my sister and her daughter Kaitlyn and my Great Nephew Lucas.  I was definitely ready to go home.

We left for home on Saturday morning. Then Tuesday morning we (Mckenzie, Freddi and myself) left for girls camp. I was so tired I could barely function. We had a great time though (WHOOT-WHOOT). I had a great time with the leaders, and the girls were a kick in the pants. "Donna" was a special treat (inside joke).

Kenzie - Sexy camper

Camp cook

Frederika


The day we came home from girls camp we took off to go camping for the weekend in Lava.

Phew! Slow down and let me off this carnival ride.

The next weekend Andrew and his tennis team were going to Districts in Boise. So I went down with him. He played really well and had a great time.

I came home on Saturday so that I could see Dominika and Freddi leave to go home. :-(  But, before they were gone we had an arrival student come, his name was Daniel. Daniel was from Spain. I have been an arrival home several times in the past. What that means is.....The exchange students have to have a physical address to come to, so if they haven't been permenantly placed they will give them a temporary address, hoping to place them before they even get here. Well, he hadn't been placed when he came so we had to put him up. I was hoping to have a few days to recover from Domi and Freddi before getting another student. Didn't happen. Daniel was here up until two days before our new exchange student, Mirelle came. Wow, talk about crazy!
Par for the course here in the Porter home.

Daniel

Mirelle Ylimaula


The day after Mirelle came we headed down to Salt Lake to enjoy the Jack Johnson concert. It was amazing and we had a really great time. I love Jack more than ever now. He is as good live (or better) than he is on his CD's.
 

After that life settled down a bit and we were able to just relax for a week before the kids started school.

SIXTEEN - REALLY?

Wow, Kenzie is sixteen. Can you believe it? I was dreading this day. I thought for sure that she would be on a date the night of her birthday. But, thankfully she hasn't been on a date yet. She has been the kid in the family so ready to grow up. But a little slow to want to take on responsibilities. Hmmm, how does that work?
These are sixteen amazing qualities McKenzie has that make us all love her so very much.
1. She is the best nick-namer in the family. Let's see.....there's (Mom) Modge, Terg, tergie, tergula, modgula (Dad) Popsie. (Ty) ty-pie (Syd) Skidmore, Skiddle, Sydlee, Skidnee. (Brit) Britone, Britonia, Britney. (Landon) Landone (Brady) Brader-Rader.
2. She can come up with the best reasons to have to be driven to school.
3. She can avoid doing chores better than anyone in the family.
4. Her teachers always give her extensions on her homework, (they feel sorry for her) I'm sure that she looks so forlorn and neglected.
5. She has a good voice and doesn't know it.
6. Her sarcasm is at an advanced level.
7. She can spend longer in a shower, than anyone I know.
8. She has an infectious laugh. You can't help but laugh when you hear it.
9. She can go from a failing grade all semester to passing faster than anyone I know.
10. She loves her sister very much (no sarcasm). I love that my girls really like each other.
11. She can sleep the day away (actually that drives me crazy).
12. She can make the most boring things fun.
13. She's real. She has a real sense of reality and never "blows smoke".
14. She is very determined when she want something.
15. She is a beautiful girl, inside and out.
16. She is all girl. Always has been, always will be. PINK, should have been her middle name.We love McKenzie

The Artist

Bob Marley- She drew this for Ty.

Wow! School is out! I am sooo looking forward to summer. It's going to be busy, crazy, but fun. But, the best part is I don't have to nag about homework. Or get up at 7:00 every morning. I can sleep in.
I wanted to put up these pictures that Sydney did this year in art. They are really good. I just can't get over why some people get lots of talent and some people get no talent (like me).

So the boy is on his way. I woke up this morning and checked my email and low and behold, he had already sent a letter. I will keep his letters posted on his website. @ tylerdouglasporter.com Check it out.